As a former stress-head who is still prone to overthinking, I realised something recently…. I’m still trying to figure it all out. 

Flying around my mind are ideas of right and wrong. What to do for the best? Which is the best path to take? Where will it go? What’s going to happen? How will it work? How will I know? Should I do something else? So many questions flying around, and no answers. 

It’s a habit that comes and goes. It’s sneaked in again and I’ve only just started to notice it. That’s why I’m feeling stressed, why my brain feels tired, why my body is aching, why I have so little headspace to enjoy myself. My mind is whirring away, thinking of possibilities. It’s figuring out what I like and don’t like, and wondering how to solve the problems that have entered my life recently. It’s a heavy load to be carrying. 

So what can I do about it? Good question…

Therein lies the problem, how do I figure out how to stop trying to figure it all out? 

What I’ve seen, time and time again, is that once I’ve noticed something is going on, there’s very little I have to do. I notice it, that’s it. The more I engage with the issues that my mind throws up, the more real they become. The more I think about trying to solve the issues, the worse they get as more questions than answers will appear.

Trying to predict the future doesn’t tend to work well for us and that’s what I’ve been trying to do. I’ve been wanting to know results before I start something. I haven’t wanted to waste time starting something that won’t work. I don’t want to put any emotional investment into something that isn’t going to go where I want it to. I want to know I’m safe before I relax and let myself feel. I’ve had a lot of conditions on how I want my life to be. I can understand wanting to know what an outcome will be, but I also understand that these are questions that don’t have answers yet. 

Granted, some things are predictable. If I push a glass off the table, most of the time it will break. However, if I begin a project, or start tiptoeing into a relationship, I have no idea where it will go, how it will change and evolve or where it will end up. 

Going back to my original dilemma, how do I figure out how to stop trying to figure it all out?

I don’t. 

I’ll notice when my mind is in a ‘figuring out’ mood, and I’ll see what I need to do from there. I’ll probably notice a tightness in my shoulders and jaw and hands, my mind will be racing around, I won’t be feeling too good. I’m probably spending more time thinking than doing. What’s going on in my mind won’t be reflecting what I’m doing, I’m effectively living in two different worlds, the real one where my body exists and the made up one where my mind is. That rarely works out well. 

I might want to stop what I’m doing and stretch my body to ease some of the tension out of it. I could take a few minutes out to do some deep breathing or do the washing up. I could dance, ignore what’s going on in my mind or keep doing what I’m doing regardless. There are probably 1001 things that I could do, but I won’t know any of them until they dawn on me at the time. 

As I won’t know the best thing for me until it happens, there’s no need for me to figure out what to do beforehand.

Less to figure out, less work on my overloaded mind. 

No planning in the world can change the randomness of what runs through my mind or how I’ll respond to it when it happens. I’m pretty sure it will be like every other pattern that’s popped up to be seen. I’ll notice it, I’ll fight it, I’ll argue with it. I’ll try to resolve it and then it will dawn on me to stop doing anything. I’ll relax my body and mind and this thought-storm of figuring it out will pass by. Just like every other thought and emotion does, as long as I don’t jump into it and try to control it.  Let it flow, instead of trying to stem the tide. 

I don’t know what life will look like if I stop trying to figure it all out, better I expect, it’s always better.  I’ll let you know when I find out. 

 Photo by Isabel Moreno on Unsplash 

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