At times of crisis, it doesn’t matter how well regulated your emotions are, what your spiritual practice is, how often you meditate, dissociate from your emotions or think positively.
It’s going to feel like life has knocked you onto your arse and is giving you a good kicking. Rest assured these 8 ways how to keep going through a crisis will help you find a strength that you didn’t know you had.
The definition of crisis is a) the turning point for better or worse in an acute disease or fever, b) a paroxysmal attack of pain, distress or disordered function or c) an emotionally significant event or radical change of status in a person’s life (https://www.merriam-webster.com/dictionary/crisis).
For the purposes of this article, we’re talking about c) emotionally significant events or changes of status in a person’s life.
These can be anything from dealing with sudden illness or bereavement, traumatic events, sudden job loss or relationship breakups, or anything out of the ordinary that requires a significant amount of time, mental and emotional energy to figure out, get through and either resolve or stabilise.
Crises can be stand-alone events or the beginning of something longer-term and life-changing. So, you might return to this point a few times as events unfold.
How to Keep Going Through a Crisis
Here are a few of my favourite tried and tested ways to get through trying times .
1) Cry. If you have a lot going on and you have to hold it together, emotions will want to come out regardless, so cry. Cry into the washing up, cry in the shower, sob in stolen safe moments.
Crying helps to relieve emotional pressure. Let those tears fall, feel the grief and sadness and when they stop, wash your face, close your eyes, breathe and get back to the shitshow that life currently has running for you.
2) Tetris. I read somewhere that Tetris might actually be good for mental health, so I downloaded it. They were right. In trying moments a few minutes of playing Tetris is a great way of switching off or distract you enough to focus deeply on something else.
3) Friends to vent to. Not to problem solve, but to hear you as you’re working through whatever is going on. You might not need advice or anyone saying ‘Hey! You’ve got this’ in fact you’re more likely to lose your shit in the face of false positivity when you’re dealing with something serious. There’s a time and a place for stuff like that and now isn’t it. You feel angry, you feel upset, you feel lost. you need a rock to hold onto and catch your breath while the waves of chaos hurl you around.
4) Water. Drink plenty of it – you’ll need it with all of the crying you’ll be doing. Go for frequent showers, go swimming, dip your toes into the water, splash water on your face and let the water run over your wrists. Never underestimate the restorative power of water.
5) Turn stuff off. If you’re feeling overwhelmed then eElectronics, music, everything you can needs to be switched off. Sometimes the slightest noise or interruption can feel like you’re being punched. If you need sound try a fan, white or brown noise. Honour your rawness and overwhelm and give yourself grace.
6) Breathe. When you’re in the middle of a crisis your breathing may be shallow. When you notice this take some deep breaths, feel your lungs fill with air, relax your shoulders,, unclench your jaw and hands, do a few stretches, do a few more stretches because it feels really good, start to consider yoga, look up where there’s a class, wonder if you have any suitable clothes that fit and look halfway decent, stretch again, especially your feet and toes, wonder if you’ll ever be flexible again, get a cramp in your calf, yawn and get back to whatever you were doing, but in a calmer way.
7) Nature. Go out into nature. Whether that’s in your garden, walking in the countryside, sitting by or in the sea, laying on the grass opposite the bus station in the shade of the trees, looking at the plants growing by the side of the road, or visiting a garden centre. It doesn’t have to be ‘big’ nature to remind you that you’re part of something much larger and more connected. Nature helps us slow down to a more realistic pace.
8) Trust the process. Where you are now won’t be where you are in a few days. Often the first few days of a crisis involve figuring out a lot of stuff. It’s emotionally trying. You may feel that you’re walking on thin ice that’s cracking with every step and if it breaks then you’re crashing down onto the rocks below, but, what’s happening is something very different.
You’re trusting yourself and drawing on all of your reserves to solve a problem, find a different way or deal with something that you never wanted in your life.
You might not want to, but you’re doing it, you might be scared, but you’re doing it, you might piss off a lot of people, but you’re doing it. You might not know the outcome, but you’re doing it because you have to. Life may become more complicated in the short term, but you’re doing it. You have no choice.
It’s that energy that will keep you going and will drive you and keep you together as you also fall apart.
Putting on a brave face and holding in those emotions won’t help you. Although there may be times when your emotions naturally subside or switch off.
If this happens, go with it.
Decompressing After a Crisis
Afterwards, when the crisis is over, or paused ,you’ll need to give yourself a bit of time to come down from the heady mix of the chemicals and hormones that have been keeping your body and mind going.
The greatest gift that you can give yourself is the time and space that you need to decompress. What you’ve been feeling are normal reactions to an often prolonged stressful situation. Although the crisis is over or is stable for the moment, your body and mind will need time to regain their balance again.
Bear in mind that you may well have been dealing with something that you had no idea you could do. Your mind may need a little time to come to terms with this and to accommodate it – time to integrate.
During this time, don’t be surprised if you feel ok for while, then feel overwhelmed and upset again. It can take time to settle, and we can often feel aftershocks for some time afterwards. They will lessen and stop in time.
Some Strategies That May Help You to Decompress
1) Turn notifications off your phone. This is your time. Let people know if they’re likely to worry if you go awol.
2) What do you need? Quiet? Gentle movement? Music or not? Resting? Watch a film? Switch off? Go for a walk, run or swim? Deep breathing? Drift off and stare into space for a while? Talk to someone? A big cuddle? What kind of self-care soothes you and what do you need now?
3) Change your self-care as you need to. Music may be fine to start with, then it can jar so turn it off. If something stops being soothing, don’t continue to do it.
4) Acknowledge how hard it’s been for you. Don’t lie to yourself and downplay what you’ve been through.
5) Don’t expect to be happy or relieved when it’s over. Feel what you feel. Our emotions can be unpredictable. These feelings will change and your perspective will change as you settle back to normal.
6) Get back into your routine as and when you’re ready. No pressure.
7) Respect your need for space. Ask for time off, and let people know ifyou need some space and not to disturb you. If you don’t have the time and space to decompress then you can put time aside to do it in your day – take 10 minutes here and there, do deep breathing, and drift off.
8) Make changes where you can. Some crises can be due to changes you need to make in your life. If this is a regular occurence for you then maybe it’s time to start doing things differently.
Crises happen to everyone at some point in your life and it’s important to remember that what you’re experiencing is normal. Finding your own coping mechanisms that will help to see you through is something that will happen naturally. I hope that my suggestions help too.
If you’re going through a crisis and find yourself struggling, drop me a message for a chat about how to move through difficult times a little easier.