‘I don’t want a love like this’ said my friend, explaining what she’d said to her partner.

‘I don’t want a love like this’. That phrase bounced around my mind, like a ball in a pinball machine. ‘I don’t want a love like this’.

Oh. I thought about the person I was loosely involved with. Loosely because I had absolutely no idea where I stood with him or what he though about me. He couldn’t tell me, literally couldn’t say the words.

I liked him, I loved being around him, I loved his body next to mine. I loved the feel of him, his playfulness, his smile, his energy made me tingle. Maybe I more than liked him.

But…. I didn’t want a love like this.

I’ve had love like this many times and I know how it ends. It ends. It always ends. And I’m tired of endings. I want a beginning.

I don’t want a love like this. I can’t do anything with it. This love stays locked up and no matter how much love I pour into it, it’s never enough and I can’t sustain us both. You don’t need my love, you need yours, you need to feel your love. You need to let your love out, it’s your gift to you and the world, to me.

I want a love that holds me, that laughs with me, that’s silly and playful. A love that’s passionate and sexy and knows what it wants and that includes me.

I want a love that grows, not shuts down and leaves me outside, waiting.

I want a love that creates and builds and sustains both of us, all of us.

A love that goes out into the world, not that’s locked inside another’s heart.

A love to join mine.

Photo by Jiroe on Unsplash

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